Questioning Anger

THE BOLDER WAY™

QUESTION ANYTHING

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THE QUESTION

What am I actually angry about?

Anger may arrive quickly, remain for a long time, or return when something brings an experience back to my attention. I may know what happened without yet knowing everything I am angry about. Questioning anger does not require me to justify it, suppress it, express it, or get rid of it. It gives me somewhere to begin.

A QUESTION TO HOLD

What is anger doing here?

BEGIN WHERE SOMETHING GETS YOUR ATTENTION.

You do not have to answer every Question.

THE BOLDER WAY™

QUESTION ANYTHING

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BEGIN HERE

What am I angry about?

What happened?
The act itself?
The consequence?
What I believe the act meant?
What I expected instead?
What I believe should have happened?
What happened afterward - or did not happen?
Something this experience reminds me of?

If I describe what happened without explaining what it meant, what remains?

What meaning did I give what happened?

WHAT IS ANGER RESPONDING TO?

A boundary
A loss
An expectation
Perceived unfairness
Disrespect
Harm
Powerlessness
Something I value
Fear it could happen again
Something else

Would I still be angry if I understood the situation differently?

TENSION

What does my anger tell me - and what am I using my anger to prove?

WHAT ARE YOU NOTICING?

THE BOLDER WAY™

QUESTION ANYTHING

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FUNCTION

What changes for me while I remain angry?

Does anger keep something in my attention?
Does it give me energy?
Does it help me hold a boundary?
Does it keep me connected to what happened?
Does it make another feeling easier or harder to notice?
Does it ask something of me?

What might change if the anger changed?

When is anger giving me information, and when is it directing what I think or do?

ACTION

What am I giving myself permission to do because I am angry?

Would I still choose that action if I were not angry?

WHAT ELSE IS PRESENT?

What else, if anything, is present with the anger?

Fear
Hurt
Grief
Embarrassment
Disappointment
Protectiveness
Love
Powerlessness
Confusion
Nothing else I can name

There does not have to be another emotion underneath anger.

QUESTION / RESPONSE / WHAT I'M NOTICING

THE BOLDER WAY™

QUESTION ANYTHING

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LET THE QUESTION MOVE

What is making this anger relevant now?

Is something still happening?
Is there an unresolved consequence?
Am I waiting for something?
Does the situation still require action?
Am I returning to the event?
Am I afraid it will happen again?
Is there meaning I am trying to preserve?
Has the anger changed since it began?

What do I believe my anger says about me?

I care
Something was wrong
I am strong
I am unsafe
I have not accepted it
I should be over it

CARRY IT FORWARD

What do I believe would happen if I were no longer angry?

Can what happened still matter if I am no longer angry about it?

LOOK AGAIN THROUGH THE THREE LENSES

SELF

What is happening in me through this anger?

SYSTEMS

What System, if any, is part of what I am angry about?

SOCIETY

What larger meaning am I attaching to this anger?

BRING THE QUESTION BACK

What am I actually angry about?
What is anger doing here?
When is anger giving me information, and when is it directing what I think or do?

What does this reveal about Being Human?

Answers can come from anywhere. Questioning remains yours.

Questioning Anger — QR-0012